Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
