Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
