haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
