My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
