"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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