i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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