You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
