I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
