one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
