so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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