Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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