My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
