Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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