I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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