Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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