Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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