You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
