know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
