I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
