saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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