saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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