you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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