oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
