Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
