Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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