the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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