I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
