LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
