I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
