Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
