i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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