I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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