just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
