I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
