those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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