You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
