can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
