Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
