you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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