In the future we'll all be gay
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
