i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
