my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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