why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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