WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
