do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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