I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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