oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
