i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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