You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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