found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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