I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youre lurking in front of me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
