Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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