Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you traded sex for a burrito?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
