idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is classic penis vs brain.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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