I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
