he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
