college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
