Sry I called you an 8
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
