I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
