Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize