Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
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Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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